“The epic battle between two vicious opponents – as seen through the eyes of a passionate 10th-grade writer and reader of many vampire, werewolf, dystopia, and fantasy books in the most laudable YA genre.”
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Once upon a time there was a brave woman named Hillary Rodman Clinton!
She was trying very hard to be the first Woman President of America but had to debate the evil Donald J. Trump who wanted to build walls and lock up all the Muslims from Mexico.
And the day came for them to debate in the middle of the Amway Center, the best arena ever. Hillary got to go first.
“I will not let you destroy America!” Hillary shouted pounding her fist like a rock.
“Oh yeah? My America is better than yours, and it’s HUGE!” Trump exclaimed back at her.
Hillary looked into the camera the way a teacher stares at her students.
“I will help everyone get a job and make sure every boy and girl make the same amount of money,” she promised.
“NOOO!” Trump roared and he ripped the podium out of the stage.
“How did you do that?” Hillary cried, amazed at his ludicrous strength.
But the Trump was no longer a man! He was transforming into a half-werewolf half-demon creature with orange horns and barbed wire chest hair ripping through his over-sized suit! Everyone in the crowd gasped at the sight his lower back tattoo of Pam Bondi!
“Prepare to die, Crooked Hillary!” Trump bellowed, stomping toward his opponent.
Hillary trembled in her blue suit and yelled, “Bill, save me!”
But Bill Clinton was busy sexting back and forth with John Morgan’s interns, and by the time he stumbled onstage to rescue his wife, the Trump snatched him up and ripped him apart with those dagger-like talons.
“Haha!” the Trump laughed, blood dripping from his claws. “Now I will do the same to you!”
And as Hillary cowered behind her podium, hundreds in the crowd surrounded her with a wall of freedom-loving humanity – but the Trump Monster plowed through them like a bulldozer. He grabbed Hillary and held her in the sky and laughed again.
“Now, I will sear your liberal flesh into a juicy Trump Steak!” he announced.
Then, a blinding flash of light shocked and surprised the entire room. It was like a text from an old boyfriend when you’re totally over him.
The Trump shielded his bloodshot eyes – what could it be?
Above, an angel was descending – a beacon of feminist light! It was…the Archangel Megyn Kelly!
“No!” Trump cried, lifting Hillary to his razor-sharp fangs to chew her to bits.
But a blast of non-partisan power struck him like a missile and knocked Hillary free.
“Arggg!” the Trump groaned.
He lashed out with his claws and tail, but Megyn floated away from his attacks with her angelic power. She launched another barrage of pure light and his body began to glow, and then orange blood starting coming out of his eyes, out of his wherever.
“Noooo!” he wailed. “Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!”
And then, with a glorious bang, Trump exploded with screams and stinking orange blood spraying everywhere.
The crowd cheered! Megyn had saved the day!
“Are you hurt?” Megyn asked, extending a hand to help Hillary to her feet.
“No, thanks to you,” Hillary responded.
And they hugged, hugged a little more, and even shared a kind-of-hot kiss, and it was totally okay with everyone in the room who was still living.
“I love you,” Hillary said.
And then Megyn said, “Love is love is love is love,” quoting founding father Alexander Hamilton.
And they went on to win the election, and Hillary was President and Megyn was First Lady, because Bill wasn’t there anymore, because he died. And all of America’s problems and injustice and systematic prejudices were finally solved, thanks to one overly emotional election, and they lived happily ever after.
Or did they…?
Image Credit: Ted Eytan, Creative Commons